Both Sides

Today was Ward Conference. The purpose of Ward Conference has always been a bit of a mystery. If it is for the stake leaders to get to know the ward, they would have a normal Sunday and come and observe. If it is to show the ward leaders how the ward should be run it would be more of a training session. If it is to bring a special message that the stake leaders see that is needed in the ward, they would bring a different message to each ward. Stake themes for the year are typically introduced at Stake Conference. Since they usually do none of these things, I think that stakes have ward conferences for the same reason that Adam offered sacrifices – “I know not, save the Lord has commanded me.”

Speaking of supervision, President Hatch, second counselor in the stake presidency, taught a lesson in our ward conference that had an interesting idea. He was talking about parenting and the need to avoid extremes – neither dictatorial nor accepting of bad behavior; neither controlling nor permissive; neither disparaging nor vainly flattering; etc. As part of the discussion he showed this quote by President Boyd K. Packer from his book “That All May be Edified.” He said, “As I meet young people around the Church, they are always saying, ‘When will my parents ever think I have enough maturity to act for myself?’ I know when with my family. I have employed this key. I know that they are ready for full freedom in any field of endeavor the very minute they stop resenting supervision. At that moment I can back off, let them go alone, and really just be there to respond if they come for help.”

I thought about that instead of the rest of the lesson. I think it is true in general, and not just in parent/child relationships. Think of people at work who are always complaining about the boss. They may be capable of doing a good job, but you can’t always trust them to do it. It is the same in Church callings, only without the ability to enforce the supervision. You will never see anyone who is an effective employee or even an effective leader who shows resentment for supervision.

That said, I think that it is especially true in the context that President Packer placed it. And it is true for all ages. How often have we heard a little child say, “I can do it myself!” Usually the truth of the matter is that you can never be sure that the child can really “do it myself” until they are comfortable letting someone watch them do it. It is especially true for parents’ relationships with teenagers and young adults. None of you are quite there yet. Noah is just about to teen-age, when a person misplaces his common sense indicator and most of the rest of his mind for the next seven years.

So what lesson is there in this for each of us? I think it is an easier concept to appreciate for a parent (supervisor) than for a child (employee), but harder to implement. As a parent you can’t demand that a child quit resenting your supervision. You also can’t tell the child that as soon as they don’t show resentment you will stop your supervision. You have to be close enough to the child to know when the acceptance of supervision is real.

As a child, or other person on the receiving end of supervision, it is a hard concept to accept. The scriptures are full of admonitions about reaching this level with God’s supervision: “Be thou humble and the Lord thy God will lead thee by the hand…” “…become as a little child…” “…willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him…” etc. With people who have supervisory positions over us it can be hard because we may think we know more than they do – and we may be right – but we will seldom have any influence over their supervision if we resent it. The same holds true in our Church callings. Family relations are where it becomes hard. It seems to be human nature to push parental authority and resent it. In a way it is good because it prepares us to be independent. It is not good if we forget that the relationship is motivated by love since, if it is truly a loving relationship, how can supervision be anything but good? The best relationship is one where supervision is accepted as an opportunity to learn and to do better.

Bread is the staff of life

Bread is the staff of life. Bread, we know, can be very good for our body if it is made with the right ingredients, and for me at least, if I don’t eat too much of it.

Shirley told me she was going to attend a class to learn how to “make bread in one hour.” I didn’t ask her how the class went, but the concept is great. It seems to me that the key to making bread fast is to use a mixer of some kind, and then to know how to form the loaves quickly.

Making our own bread has the definite advantage of our being in control of what goes into the bread. It has the definite disadvantage of being so good that we eat more of it than we should. So what should we do?

When I was a young mom I made bread all the time. I thought I could not afford a mixer to help with the process. It was messy and time consuming, but it was very good to eat and very inexpensive. It seemed to be worth the effort and time.

In looking back I wish I would have saved pocket change for a year or how ever long it would have taken to earn enough money to buy a Bosh mixer or a Kitchen Aid mixer, or what ever, to make the bread more quickly, and then use that extra time to play a game with Jonathan and Jared, or go shopping with Holly and Robin. By the time Dan and Andrew came around I didn’t even make bread any more – or did I – I don’t remember.

I want to start making bread again. I want a mixer to help me this time. I better start saving. It will be great to know what goes into the bread. But then will I eat too much?

Visiting Teaching

I am just finishing up Visiting Teaching interviews for our ward. There are about 100 visiting teachers. We got 40 to come in for an interview and are trying to talk to the rest by phone. It is very interesting to see the different responses to the calling to be a visiting teacher. It makes me think about the importance of being creative in our lives. Elder Uchtdorf, in his talk to the General RS last November said if we want to be happy we need to include two things in our lives – creativity and service. This applies not only to women, but also to men. If we would all be a little more creative in our approach to connecting with the people we visit teach and home teach, we would not only bless their lives but also our own by fulfilling that need to be creative. But usually what happens is the same approach is used month after month to try to see a family, and then we wonder why we keep getting the same results. Let me give you a few simple suggestions: Call the person at the beginning of the month and ask when they will be available that month. Set an appointment early. That is not even being creative. The creativity can come in with the lesson. If your family is not very cooperative in setting an appointment then is the time to get creative. Try different times of day or night, try planning activities together, try just dropping in – I am sure you can be much more creative than I can think of right now, but the key is to not just try once, or one way and then give up.
I just read a book called “The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas.” (Sorry, Jon and Megan for talking about this so much.) It really made me think about our relationship to others. The boy in the book lived outside the concentration camp fence, looking in at the people in the stripped pjs, thinking how lucky they were to get to wear them all the time. He saw lots of children and thought how lucky they were to be able to be together. He often took a piece of cake, or other food to share with his friend on the other side of the fence as they sat and talked through the fence, but he would get hungry before he saw his friend and would eat the food himself. His prospective was so self-centered and oblivious, that he could not even imagine his friend’s perspective – starving, being beaten, always afraid, etc. It made me wonder how often I am like that with other people. How often I don’t even see the need they have and just “eat the cake” myself.
Anyway, I don’t mean to be depressing, but just thoughtful. The Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching programs are inspired programs and it is important to support them the best we can, both in being creative in our approach to teaching, and in being creative in finding ways to serve.

Europe

Before I started traveling to Europe many years ago, I remember thinking that is would be a waste to spend so much money to go to Europe. After all trees, grass, mountains are the same wherever they are. Well needless to say, one trip to Europe quickly changed that thought and I was hooked. I love the architecture, the history, the customs. The more I travel, the differences in scenery don’t awe me quite so much, and I am more and more convinced that the very best part of traveling is the people – meeting new people, renewing old friendships, learning something new about or from someone, having a discussion with the person on the train or plane, meeting up with people from Kent’s work.
As you all know we just returned from driving through Andrew’s part of Germany, visiting Kent and Kae Servoss in Rotterdam Holland, and returning to London. It was an impressive trip as far as the places we visited – Bremen Germany, Keukenhof Park in Holland, Stonehenge and Salisbury and London, but the really impressive part to me was the people we visited and the connections we made. It was so fun to drive into Osnabrück and then Leer where Andrew served on his mission and have him direct us around town by telephone. He directed us to a family in Leer that he became good friends with, even though they were not baptized. We went to their door and were very disappointed when they were not home. In Osnabrück he made sure we saw the “Joseph and Brigham” statues in the church courtyard. Andrew’s mission became more real to us for sure.
Going to Rotterdam Holland, Kent and Kae Servos were so excited to see us they drove over an hour to meet us. We stopped to have dinner in a town square outdoor restaurant before we continued the last hour to their apartment. We enjoyed part of general conference with them over the weekend. They took us to the beautiful city of Delft where we not only did a little pottery shopping, but saw the canals and architecture. We saw the tulips at Keukenhof and in the fields. Before we left on Sunday afternoon they took us to peaceful Kinderdijk to see the windmills. We learned firsthand about being couple missionaries, we came to understand things about Kent and Kae and their children that we had not known before and we gave them some much needed home-friends- family love and connection.
In England it was like going home. The double-decker bus 15 still went the same route through the city past most of the landmarks. It was still just as much fun sitting on the top deck right in the front, watching all the awesome sights. We rode to Windsor and through the Buckinghamshire countryside with our friends the Ayles. We thrilled with the miracle of Sue and Terry Ayles finally getting pregnant after 12 or more years. They shared all the miracles that they have seen in their lives since we saw them last and how that has made them determined and bold in sharing the gospel. We had a party at their house and invited friends from High Wycombe Ward. Friends we had not seen or heard from for 10 years were just as dear and just as fun to catch up with as if it had been yesterday that we saw them last.
We returned with great pictures (see the Blog) of tulips and buildings, and also with friendships and lessons learned, great memories and our testimonies strengthened.
I love Western Europe, but I don’t have much desire to travel to Asia, it is SO different there, I would probably feel uncomfortable. But if I went there ….

Thoughts about General Conference

Tonight I read the article in the March Ensign about preparing your children for General Conference. It had some fabulous ideas for families of young children. It made me think of the significance of General Conference in our individual lives and in the Church. I was reminded of memories I have of general conference as I was growing up and especially as we were raising you kids. It was always a special time, and the memories of sewing projects as we sat in the basement in Logan, sitting with the family on the lawn at Temple Square for a session in the sunshine; hiking in Logan Canyon and sitting on top of the mountain to listen to a session, going to the stake center in England for a long day, are all sweet memories. We didn’t establish traditions of always doing the same thing, but we did establish the fact that Conference is special and worth planning for. This year will be another special Conference memory as Dad and I attend in the Netherlands.

The most consistent family tradition established around conference was for all the boys and their Father to attend the Priesthood session together and then have ice cream after. When your Dad ran out of boys it was a sad time for him. He still thinks of it twice a year before the priesthood session and hopes all his sons will be in attendance.

There is a feeling of love and unity, brotherhood/sisterhood that comes from being together all over the world watching or listening to conference at the same time. It is a feeling of belonging, of safety, of gratitude.

My testimony has grown and my life has been changed because of the tradition of uniting twice a year in General Conference.